I’m alive and viva

For a while I would wake up at 4 am thinking “I don’t wanna live this life anymore, this doesn’t make any sense for me”. Went back to sleep, woke up again at 7 am, and lived one day more. Não pensava em português, it could seem too real. I was thinking in English because in this way it felt like a weird dream.

O álbum Transa de Caetano fez 50 anos. Ouvi inteiro, por longas semanas. And suddenly my thoughts changed, my English changed. I would wake up at 4am singing in silence:

“I’m alive and viva, muito viva, viva, viva. Feel the sound of music banging in my belly”

[…]

“Nine out of ten movie stars make me cry

I am alive”

I cry, I realize: I am alive. Eu ri quando ele gritou “Bora Macau!” no fim da gravação. I laughed, eu chorei, estava viva.

— A vida bem vivida te salva, listen to songs, vá para o teatro, find lovers, this is the way to acknowledge: you’re alive (viva, muito viva), 2022.